positively pessimistic

yesterday, someone told me those words describe me.

do they?

and today, someone told me that those words aren't me, that i'm not pessimistic at all and, if anything, i'm "brutally honest."

huh?

the last thing i feel like i am is honest.
granted, i've been known to write ideas and send them when i really should just leave things alone, and i'll be the one to tell you if you have broccoli stuck between your teeth, and i'll even tell you if you haven't cleaned all the puke out of your hair and laugh my ass off about it, helping you get it all, of course.

but i can't be as open (read: honest) with my feelings. that's painfully obvious.
i can't be honest with regards to wants/desires.
i certainly can't be honest within marriage or family.

that's what i had with him. total honesty.
it was so easy to just say it... whatever it was.
but outside of anything him and honesty is shoved in the back of the bus once again.

sometimes, honesty feels like a burden.
that's stupid.
maybe that's not the right word.
fuck i dunno.

written word is honest.
spoken word is trickery.