Thursday, May 15, 2014

at my wits end

I'm slowly going crazy in my own mind.
I don't know how much longer I can just grin and bear it.
She's breaking me down and slowly winning.

Sunday, April 6, 2014


Yesterday would have been my dear, sweet friend's birthday.   What am emotional day it ended up being.

Saturday, April 5, 2014


It's gonna be a great weekend. Started with a great, fun dinner at mom's last night.
This morning, baby girl and i are going to the mall for some shopping. Weather is getting warmer by the minute - time for some new shorts!  And I've got to go to the sports store for a new team shirt.  We need new shirts for the game tonight.
Tomorrow will start off at Pepa's for mowing and lunch. I hope to get up there early enough to mow the acreage and be done by game time at 1:30.  Would love to watch the ballgame from the comfort of Mema's chair.

And baby girl made the comment "your belly doesn't look at big, momma" earlier.  That was the first comment of anyone noticing.  It's working!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

tune in tokyo

This seems strange.  But it will begood.
Luuucyyy.... I'm home.

Thursday, May 23, 2013


While I understand the whole idea of making time for what's important, some things end up suffering just the same. I can blame it on needing to be Mom and Dad, working a 50 hr week... whatever. It is what it is.

I've been so overloaded with the new job. Its so mentally draining to push papers all day. Keeping up with every single detail is about to break me.
I have to keep reminding myself that the account was a clusterfuck when I got there. The things that slipped through the cracks before I came in are rearing their ugly heads now. Prints never ordered, moulding on back order..... and guess who becomes the sacrificial lamb? Its my account now so I get the backlash.

I left work today really wanting to go back to the shop. Telling myself that I don't care how hot it is or will be, the new kid in the shop doing my job isn't up to my standards.... all the way home I justified going back to the shop.
But they gave me this opportunity for a reason. And I will succeed.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

the change

Well... It's official. I'm no longer stuck in the shop on a table. It's bittersweet, actually. As I was stretching the last canvas I will probably ever stretch for a job, it dawned on me that it's over in the shop. No more texturing... No more cutting glass... No more framing... And it makes me sad. Very, very, very sad. But it also is a good thing. No more cuts on my hands. No more calloused thumbs from framing. No more sweating the summer away. No more shop grunt bullshit from the schmucks that work in the shop. My job now, Project Coordinator, is going to be a whole new routine. One that is easy amd repetitious. Same process, different prints/moulding depending on the order. The little bit I did today made me anxious for tomorrow. I'm ready to take it on and get my 60 days over with so I can get a bump in pay. It really feels like I'm on a good path finally. I've been able to walk away from the negative, strive towards what's positive, and I've also noticed how bright the light at the end is starting to become. For now.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

four twenty

I had plans to get up early and start packing up some stuff. Not that there is any definite time frame with moving, but I felt that the sooner I start going through stuff, the more I could get under control and lighten my load.
Baby girl slept in my bed last night, we watched mouse tv til late. But she was still up at the ass crack of dawn. So was I - cleaning up dog crap, making breakfast, cleaning the kitchen.
But now, I'm back in bed with the bug, big brown snoring in his bed.
Its going to be one of those overcast, grey days. A nice change from the past few days - low 90s. Summer is already here.

I miss the city.
I want to shop for shorts and socks and walk the streets.
I want to feel the heat of the city on my face and go back to oak st beach.