i'll be there to watch you

in two weeks, a year will have passed.
seems like it's been five years.

when we go up to the woods in two weeks for a celebration of the life that left us too soon, the sportdog is coming home with me. purely a trial situation as my dear friend's mom isn't ready to get rid of him totally, but i want her to have a break from caring for the dog for a little while. i'm hoping she realizes that it's time to let him come live with me and the kids and the big brown dog.
then i will have a big golden dog, too.

this past week has been odd.
too much bullshit, too much school, not enough time to do much of anything other than bullshit and school.

i officially turned down the fountain restoration job this morning. it took me two days to find the nerve time to call the guy and let him know that i could not commit to the required time frame with how unpredictable school is right now.
with a test every tuesday that covers at least five chapters of female repro, i just don't have time to do much.
heck - that is the reason why i'm not going to the funeral nursing home any more on thursdays to call bingo. if the emotional satisfaction of that "job" couldn't keep me, i certainly can't commit to a job that would require at least two weeks of dedication and patience.
(please, sense the sarcasm when i speak of emotional satisfaction and nursing home bingo)

with my husband on the couch full time, he's starting to sense the fact that i can't even stand the smell of him, let alone the need for interaction.
i got a lecture last night for not having sex with him for however long it's been, and how that leads him to believe that i'm getting it from someone else.
of course, he believes it to be a man that's getting all up in me on a regular basis and my-oh-my how wrong he is.

i think i'm withdrawing from my own life. friends are being neglected and the only family i seem to need are my kids and the dog.
there will always be a need for my mom but i see a shift in that, too.
i don't feel like i need to prove myself to her as much as i once did. i know what i'm capable of and she knows i'm capable of it and things are beginning to change some.
she even called me tuesday asking why i hadn't called her in two days. i told her that i've been busy with school and the girls and that i'd see her wednesday at the bowling alley.

i still don't know how far i'm willing to separate myself from my mom though. it would be very difficult for me being 1,200 miles away, you know?

but i'm seriously considering it just the same.

anyway, my dog isn't praying by the baby's side and i don't work for the government. i might not be the newest crayon in the box but i know what i want out of this life.
slowly but surely, i will be happy.

thank you, friends.