dead air

-staring at the screen for about three minutes-


i should be studying. test tonight is over fetal anatomy. gonna have to label baby brains.

well, scan pictures of, that is.

my dad is gone - he left on saturday. he's moved to la0s and going to work for the government (american, not the la0 gov't). he left on the same flight that we travelled last year at the same time. it's weird to think that he's not ten minutes up the road any more but a million miles away instead.

yesterday at the hospital, the head tech and i had a sit-down of sorts. she basically said that when i start my full rotation (on january 22), that i need to be prepared to do the job of an experienced tech and be effective and efficient.

she asked me about my career goals and why i chose ultras0und and really gave me the feeling that there is going to be a time where i start to second guess myself and that i need to get over that feeling now because once i start my full rotation, there won't be any room for uncertainty about anything.

even pissed off the rad yesterday and got a lecture about infectious diseases. she went on and on for 10 minutes about her paranoia blahblah blah.

i wanted to say "why the fuck do you work in a hospital if you are so deathly afraid of infectious diseases?"
but i just nodded, apologized, and said "i understand."

about 522 times.

the weather here has been cooler than what we are used to. waking up in the morning and it's 49 degrees has made me rethink my relocation options.

49 degrees. really - that's not very cold. but when your blood is used to 79, it's enough difference to make you rethink things.

and after my sit-down with the tech and talking to her about my career goals, i don't know where i want to go.

every conversation i've had goes back to one facility in particular and that isn't any where near chicago.
if anything, it's closer to the beach and about the same latitude as i am now.

not that i need to be too concerned at the present where i want to work, with the big hurdle being the issue of even getting hired on anywhere after i graduate.

and for some reason, ties that i've had all over in the past are coming back into play. not in a major way, mind you, but in a way that makes them more present than they had been in the past.

the past year has been a whirl wind.
in so many ways, i feel like i've gone full circle.
and in so many ways, i still feel like i'm treading water.

brother chaos rules, indeed.