deleted from memory

it's been quite some time.
i'd like to say that i've got tons to say but in the end, i really don't feel as if i have much to say at all.
there have been many times when, on the way home from work, i've thought how i needed to sit down and write. and through the evening routine and the thought i put into it, i never do.

there have been many strides in the right direction though.
mainly - i've not been in any contact with Y whatsoever. it just took one more time of her telling me what i think and feel is wrong with accusations of untruths for me to wake the fuck up finally.
when she told me to stay the fuck out of her life, that was it.
i walked and did not look back.
she wouldn't give my house key back so i paid the $225 and had a locksmith come to my house that very next evening and rekey my locks.
that simple act of having a new key in my hand - that was a big part of operation: liberation.

i won't lie.... i think of her still too often. all the what if's and what should have been and that sort of crap. the things that she always said she wanted but never worked towards in any way. the sacrifices that i made within my own family for her that were never acknowledged in any way...

bottom line - i haven't felt this good in years.
i haven't felt this free and independent in years.
i haven't felt this awesome in years!

and i see it in baby girl, too. her smile is bigger. her eyes are brighter. her attitude is better.
just everything has gotten better and seems to improve more and more every day.

and now that i'm actually logged in and here, i really feel as if i have nothing to say.
i'm sunburnt, have a terriffic headache from what was a nice afternoon drunk, and just plain tired.
had a great afternoon at a friend's house by the pool, kids laughing, music on, beer flowing, and great fellowship all the way around.

this is the first weekend in a long time that i've had such a great time.