look at me! i'm on a roll...!

i was useless at work this morning.  i was having a hard time with paperwork and just really lacked any motivation to do anything.

spent a fair amount of time at my desk acting like i was busy shuffling papers.

ate my pb&j at 9am since i was skipping lunch to leave early for therapy.
struggled through a production meeting at 10am with shuffled papers.  i managed to not look like an ass when it was my time to speak up though.  good for me.  this meeting was without the pres of the company or the one project manager that i really have problems with.  that eased the stress, i suppose.

left work at 1:30 and headed to my appt. 
walking from the lobby to the office, my therapist said "as soon as i saw your name on the sheet, i knew something was up."
boyhowdy, is it.
as soon as my ass hit the pleather sofa in the office, i broke down.

we talked about my dad and the issues i feel about it all.
we talked about my relationship with Y and how things tie in to each other.

basically, i'm still the scared little girl, sitting at the window, wondering when my dad is going to show up.

and i'm ready to board up that damn window and call it a day.

i'm going to pen a letter to my father.  raw emotion and to the point.  honest and open.
and then i won't send it.
not the first one, at least.

but i need the outlet of it.

then i can take from that what i am going to send to my dad.

i'm ready for that little girl with no daddy to get up off her ass, away from the window, and venture outside and not worry about when daddy is going to show up.

and she wants me to paint.
vent through acrylics.

i like that idea.