come bathe my dog, please.

spent the bulk of the day yesterday cleaning the house. dealt with all the folded laundry that hadn't been put away (we have a large dining room table), cleaned baseboards and dusted, which is followed by a good vacuuming.
even cleaned the ceiling fans which was a chore in itself.

was hoping to have a better feeling around with things being clean.

i'm still waiting on it to catch on.


this morning, i went down to school. was going to stay till the afternoon and print but an hour later, the photo I (one) students really started to pack in and it was just too much incompetence to deal with.

i was printing my last print (trying to do 3 of each now) and heard a familiar voice come through the door. i felt the blood drain out of my brain and sink away somewhere. my knees even got a bit shaky.
fuck.

fuck.

she hung around and waited on me to get my prints in the washer. during the wait time, we drove a few blocks away and went into a store. i bought a 16 oz beer.
X 2.

it was a strain on my emotions but it pained me physically.
i just want to touch her again.

i know i'm not getting better like i said i would - there are too many setbacks.
already.

i'm just lonely.

but i can't make the decision to commit these emotions to him on a full time basis to see if there is a happiness worth finding.

and i wonder why there are issues with the big girl...

so i went out to lunch by myself and ate some wonderful thai.
something that my dear friend had never tried before he left us.

the rest of the afternoon will be full of smoke and sadness.
but only until kids get home.

might go get the christmas tree tonight.