the eve of the eve's eve

a full week of school behind me with some stellar grades along the way and i'm ready to go north and collect the baby.
she's been gone way too long and i want her home.

the big girl has lost all faith in the idea of santa. she's 12.... i knew it was coming but i was hoping to get one more year past her before she realized what's up.
dammit.

it's been rainy today with the sky a shade of grey that i've not seen in some time. looks like it could be a snowy sky in chicago rather than 20 miles from the beach.

unfortunately, the weather has set the tone.
my attitude sucks and i hate everyone today.

i think it's because i know tomorrow i'll be going to the cemetery for a visit. if we weren't getting into town so late, i'd go tonight.
there's got to be some closure (or something) at some point because i can't be a blubbering mess for the rest of my life.

for christmas - i want him back.

but i'll take a new black leather belt.
that's a bit more realistic, i know.

miss you all and hope that this holiday is one of the best for each and every one of you.

His heart was full of love love love
Love love love
Love love is all around
When Jesus Christ was nailed to his tree
Said "Oh, Daddy-o I can see how it all soon will be
I came to shed a little light on this darkening scene
Instead I fear I spill the blood of my children all around"

Father up above, why in all this anger have you fill
Me up with love
Fill me love love love
Love love love
Love love
And the blood of our children all around