am i the pot or the kettle?
i'm married to an alcoholic.
years ago, i saw the signs but dismissed it. we were in a college town, hanging out at bars, doing drugs, and living the life of 20somethings without a care in the world.
there were signs within his family that i picked up on right away.
several uncles that couldn't function without dark liquor, a grandmother that hid her bottle in the dryer (and would frequently forget it was in there when she loaded up the dryer, wondering who's shoes were in there with her underwear).
an aunt that was one married to a state senator - such a vibrant personality, but fueled by liquor and high quality powder.
numerous family that had passed - two that literally drank themselves to death.
i see it in my husband. i hear the excuses as to why he feels like he can't stop drinking. too much stress, too much physical pain, too much to handle with finding his best friend dead. too many things to deal with so it comes down to alcohol and tobacco to numb the pain and memories.
all he has to do in the evening is care for the children and cook dinner. the emotional needs of the girls are not as important to him as his drink. it's sad when my girls see it and he doesn't.
a half gallon every few days, cases of beer, too. don't know how many cans of dip but i see the trash pile up.
and i see the charges on the bank statement.
there are times when i feel as if i might be slipping into some sort of alcoholic void. there are times when i feel like it would be so much better if i was half drunk and numb to the shit. there are times when it does make me feel better.
but at the same time, i can do without it. i don't have to make excuses about it. i don't feel like i need it to function.
this is driving the wedge deeper, making it more difficult to cope with this relationship. of all the things that are wrong within this marriage, this should not be one of them. there should be nothing that means more than the girls.
but when priorities are that askew, nothing is as important as the one thing that is poison to everything.
years ago, i saw the signs but dismissed it. we were in a college town, hanging out at bars, doing drugs, and living the life of 20somethings without a care in the world.
there were signs within his family that i picked up on right away.
several uncles that couldn't function without dark liquor, a grandmother that hid her bottle in the dryer (and would frequently forget it was in there when she loaded up the dryer, wondering who's shoes were in there with her underwear).
an aunt that was one married to a state senator - such a vibrant personality, but fueled by liquor and high quality powder.
numerous family that had passed - two that literally drank themselves to death.
i see it in my husband. i hear the excuses as to why he feels like he can't stop drinking. too much stress, too much physical pain, too much to handle with finding his best friend dead. too many things to deal with so it comes down to alcohol and tobacco to numb the pain and memories.
all he has to do in the evening is care for the children and cook dinner. the emotional needs of the girls are not as important to him as his drink. it's sad when my girls see it and he doesn't.
a half gallon every few days, cases of beer, too. don't know how many cans of dip but i see the trash pile up.
and i see the charges on the bank statement.
there are times when i feel as if i might be slipping into some sort of alcoholic void. there are times when i feel like it would be so much better if i was half drunk and numb to the shit. there are times when it does make me feel better.
but at the same time, i can do without it. i don't have to make excuses about it. i don't feel like i need it to function.
this is driving the wedge deeper, making it more difficult to cope with this relationship. of all the things that are wrong within this marriage, this should not be one of them. there should be nothing that means more than the girls.
but when priorities are that askew, nothing is as important as the one thing that is poison to everything.

1 Comments:
And YOUR bank account is where he's getting the dough to drink with. Enough said.
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