on the horizon
clarity.
is that what i'm experiencing?
maybe just a moment of it..... hopefully long term.
i'm beginning to understand things a bit for some reason. maybe since there are only 12 more weeks of classroom class left and the end is so damn near, it's all sinking in?
maybe because i'm just over the bullshit that i'm ready to do what's the most important rather than the crap i normally pile on my plate?
i don't know.
but i do know that today is another day and today is all i've got.
there is hope for tomorrow. but yesterday, i can't change.
i'm taking the big girl to a funeral today. a friend of hers passed away last week. 14 years old and had been battling cancer for the last seven years. two years ago, he lost a leg to tumors that invaded his lower extremities in about a month.
the big girl is so very sad as she was close to this kid last year.
she had a hard time when my dear friend passed away so suddenly (she always called him 'uncle' dear friend), and now - a dear friend of hers is gone.
so terribly young but so full of life. this kid was one in a million with his attitude - always out to make sure everyone else was okay, knowing that he was slowly dying.
he hung on til the end though - even when his lungs filled up with fluid, he was concerned about his friends and how they would handle his passing.
with this kid - everyone knew his time would come, that his illness would slowly take over. the big girl can't seem to understand that, on some level, we should have prepared for his passing and understood that he would no longer suffer so terribly. all anyone did was shower him with love and smiles until his last breath.
with my dear friend, there was no preparation.
his mind full of thoughts for the future, his emotions all over the place as we struggled through unsettling events.
i just want to tell him that i love him one more time.. i should have told him that morning but we were arguing.
the end came and went and he was all alone.
but any way it happens - all that's left is the hole in our hearts.
is that what i'm experiencing?
maybe just a moment of it..... hopefully long term.
i'm beginning to understand things a bit for some reason. maybe since there are only 12 more weeks of classroom class left and the end is so damn near, it's all sinking in?
maybe because i'm just over the bullshit that i'm ready to do what's the most important rather than the crap i normally pile on my plate?
i don't know.
but i do know that today is another day and today is all i've got.
there is hope for tomorrow. but yesterday, i can't change.
i'm taking the big girl to a funeral today. a friend of hers passed away last week. 14 years old and had been battling cancer for the last seven years. two years ago, he lost a leg to tumors that invaded his lower extremities in about a month.
the big girl is so very sad as she was close to this kid last year.
she had a hard time when my dear friend passed away so suddenly (she always called him 'uncle' dear friend), and now - a dear friend of hers is gone.
so terribly young but so full of life. this kid was one in a million with his attitude - always out to make sure everyone else was okay, knowing that he was slowly dying.
he hung on til the end though - even when his lungs filled up with fluid, he was concerned about his friends and how they would handle his passing.
with this kid - everyone knew his time would come, that his illness would slowly take over. the big girl can't seem to understand that, on some level, we should have prepared for his passing and understood that he would no longer suffer so terribly. all anyone did was shower him with love and smiles until his last breath.
with my dear friend, there was no preparation.
his mind full of thoughts for the future, his emotions all over the place as we struggled through unsettling events.
i just want to tell him that i love him one more time.. i should have told him that morning but we were arguing.
the end came and went and he was all alone.
but any way it happens - all that's left is the hole in our hearts.
2 Comments:
FINALLY, you link to me.
ah, but clarity comes and goes... the memory of it dims too, but with patience and practice, it can become more frequent, more permanent. dear friends can never be replaced, and not to diminish them in any way, but also remember that new dear friends are always on the horizon ... we never know what/who tomorrow will bring us...;-)
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