the winds of change
isn't that line in a song? i've heard that before set to music somewhere..
whatever.
the last week has been something that i wish i could forget. but with my future on the line, i don't know what to do.
all these grand plans [that everyone is well aware of already] were set in motion and now, here i am - finished with class and trying to start my full rotation so i can graduate.
on thursday, i was really dreading being at the hospital all day. i knew that i had a lot to prove and a lot to live up to but i was ready for the challenge.
the first scan - car0tid. i'm not very comfortable doing vascular anything but what the hell? i started the exam, got half way through one side and quit.
this lady's anatomy was all fucked up and my arm - the spasms in my shoulder wouldn't let me go any further.
the next scan - a critical ER that we had to do a portable on. it was a right upper quadrant - liv3r, kidn3y, p@ncreas and g@ll bl@dder... a cakewalk really.
on the way to the ER with the head tech - and a muscle that wouldn't stop - she asks me protocol. i stammered at the start of it (only because my brain was on my shoulder and neck) and was immediately sent back to the department.
20 minutes later, i was sent home.
and before i even got home, the head tech had called the clinical guy at school and he then called me.
i am not aggressive or confident enough for the hill.
my new site is an hour and a half away, 8 - 4:30.
i'm supposed to go to school on monday to sign some clinical paperwork then go to the new hospital to meet the head tech there. apparently, my teacher also feels this will be a better fit for me.
then i get to spend the money for another background check and drug test.
friday, i finally go to the dr for the pain i've had the past 3 months.
my neck and right shoulder have been almost useless for that whole time, sometimes worse than others. it's been very difficult to do routine things, let alone anything exclusively with my right arm (read: scan).
then i'm told that i've got arthritis at C6 and C7. possibly from a car accident i had when i was pregnant with the baby girl (but that was six years ago!).
the x-ray looked awful and i don't even read x-rays.
i was sent home with a muscle relaxer, an anti-inflammatory, and pain meds.
and here we are two and a half days later and i'm not really feeling much relief from the meds.
i went to the lab yesterday and took the husband. after 30 minutes of scanning, my arm couldn't take it any more and the spasms started all over again.
really - is this some sort of cruel joke?
to be at this point and not able to finish due to this shit with my neck?
when i go to talk to the clinical guy at school in the morning, i'm going to find out about a leave of absence for a month. it was talked about when all the shit was going on with the big girl but i didn't want to do it then since i would be behind with my classes.
if there was ever a good time to take a leave, it would be now.
i just need to convince the school of it.
but will a month be enough to get this issue with my neck and shoulder under control so that i will be physically able to scan for 8 hours a day, 4 days a week for four and a half months?
if there was ever a time i needed some assurance, it's now.
in a way, i feel like i've lost all hope for the future.
whatever.
the last week has been something that i wish i could forget. but with my future on the line, i don't know what to do.
all these grand plans [that everyone is well aware of already] were set in motion and now, here i am - finished with class and trying to start my full rotation so i can graduate.
on thursday, i was really dreading being at the hospital all day. i knew that i had a lot to prove and a lot to live up to but i was ready for the challenge.
the first scan - car0tid. i'm not very comfortable doing vascular anything but what the hell? i started the exam, got half way through one side and quit.
this lady's anatomy was all fucked up and my arm - the spasms in my shoulder wouldn't let me go any further.
the next scan - a critical ER that we had to do a portable on. it was a right upper quadrant - liv3r, kidn3y, p@ncreas and g@ll bl@dder... a cakewalk really.
on the way to the ER with the head tech - and a muscle that wouldn't stop - she asks me protocol. i stammered at the start of it (only because my brain was on my shoulder and neck) and was immediately sent back to the department.
20 minutes later, i was sent home.
and before i even got home, the head tech had called the clinical guy at school and he then called me.
i am not aggressive or confident enough for the hill.
my new site is an hour and a half away, 8 - 4:30.
i'm supposed to go to school on monday to sign some clinical paperwork then go to the new hospital to meet the head tech there. apparently, my teacher also feels this will be a better fit for me.
then i get to spend the money for another background check and drug test.
friday, i finally go to the dr for the pain i've had the past 3 months.
my neck and right shoulder have been almost useless for that whole time, sometimes worse than others. it's been very difficult to do routine things, let alone anything exclusively with my right arm (read: scan).
then i'm told that i've got arthritis at C6 and C7. possibly from a car accident i had when i was pregnant with the baby girl (but that was six years ago!).
the x-ray looked awful and i don't even read x-rays.
i was sent home with a muscle relaxer, an anti-inflammatory, and pain meds.
and here we are two and a half days later and i'm not really feeling much relief from the meds.
i went to the lab yesterday and took the husband. after 30 minutes of scanning, my arm couldn't take it any more and the spasms started all over again.
really - is this some sort of cruel joke?
to be at this point and not able to finish due to this shit with my neck?
when i go to talk to the clinical guy at school in the morning, i'm going to find out about a leave of absence for a month. it was talked about when all the shit was going on with the big girl but i didn't want to do it then since i would be behind with my classes.
if there was ever a good time to take a leave, it would be now.
i just need to convince the school of it.
but will a month be enough to get this issue with my neck and shoulder under control so that i will be physically able to scan for 8 hours a day, 4 days a week for four and a half months?
if there was ever a time i needed some assurance, it's now.
in a way, i feel like i've lost all hope for the future.
2 Comments:
Are you looking at surgery for the C6 and C7? If so, I'd find out how long you can take an LOA for and still remain in academic good standing.
You can't work if you have this kind of pain, so now is the best time to take care of it.
This "sucks" is a gross understatement.
thinking of you... and energy commin your way...
'and this too shall pass away...'
'i will face my fear, let it pass through me, and only i will remain...'
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home