the newest from my dad
After 5 months………
Observations and Lao-isms………………
“Lao PDR” - The Govt says PDR stands for Peoples Democratic Republic. The People say it means Please Don’t Rush. Believe the people.
If you want something done right do it yourself
If you want something done half-ass, do it yourself
If you want something done at all, do it yourself
Things you need do not exist in Lao
Caulking, sealing, patching your house is a waste of time – the bugs already know the way in
You will never sleep alone in Lao (see above)
A Lao home has characters, not character. They’re usually 4, 6, and 8 legged
Buy a local a beer and you’ve got a friend for life. Or at least until you stop paying……
You will surely die while waiting for the repairman
Lao has two seasons – hot & wet and hot & dry.
Winter is 30 days of Mother Nature on tranquilizers
If there is a way to cut corners on something the technique was probably invented here
Today means tomorrow. Tomorrow means next week. Anything beyond that means never
Leave your expectations at home
If you ask for something in particular you will always get a smile and “No have” in return
Hand a tool to a Lao and he’ll lose it within 10 seconds (it’s amazing!)
If is isn’t nailed down it will disappear
If it IS nailed down someone will remember where they lost the hammer
People still forage for food here……….and bicycles, furniture, clothes on the line………
Instruction sheets, manuals, etc., are the first things to go into the fire
Lao Mechanic – anyone with a little free time, a crescent wrench, and a hammer
Free time – 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday
Fact: Biggest business is the Beer Lao brewery. DUH!
If you order food spicy it will be bland. Vise-versa
If you order fish you’ll get pork – and the line “This is better.” Translation: the fish is from the dirty pond out back and has been sitting in the sun for a week. Sweet folks!
Communism does NOT suck (Lao PDR is Communist)
A feeble attempt at the language is better than none at all
You don’t just “make a friend” – you become a part of the family
The smallest task is an ordeal
The words “Party Time!” are somewhere in the Lao National Anthem
Getting falling-down drunk before 10am is socially acceptable behavior
EVERYONE on the roads after 9pm is drunk
Get caught in bed with a Lao woman, and she’s not your wife, you get deported
$20 = “Get out of Jail free” card
The nearest medical facility is 65 miles away and in another country
The prettiest teeth can be found in countries where there are no Dentists
Diseases common in the US are non-existent
Payback – Dengue fever and Malaria
No matter how remote, you can find a beer anywhere in Lao
Food comes in two categories: Very good and Excellent
“Violent crime” is not in the Lao vocabulary
You must look at the world with two sets of eyes. Perception and Reality
It’s very easy to feel sad here
Children are a thing of beauty everywhere
There is one other white person within 25 miles of where I live
I’m always viewed with suspicion
A smile opens doors, hearts, and dialogue (see above)
My home: drive North out of the city for 45 minutes, turn left on the K38 dirt road……… I’m down a bit on the left (watch out for the critters in the road)
Advantages: Clean air, no traffic, no crowds, silence, peace & tranquility
Disadvantage: a minor injury or snake bite can be a death sentence.
If you’re a “dog lover” you’ll never go hungry here
Fried crickets are great snacks!
Termite wings are often served as salad toppings
Air conditioning is both a luxury and necessity
I know of only one other hot water shower in the region
I’m confident that I own the ONLY waterbed in all of Lao PDR
One cannot find a top (flat) sheet anywhere in SE Asia
Nearly all medications can be bought “over the counter”
I will always have to pay 5 times more for something than a local
Pocket change to me is a month’s pay to a Lao worker
Farmers out here in the boonies are not particularly fond of Jimi Hendrix music
Lao exports nearly 100% of its illegal drug trade. Nice!
Power failures are about as common as the sun coming up
I have to walk 250 yards to reset the circuit breaker
There is an illegal business going on in the woods behind me. They’re making charcoal
There is no “grape vine” here. More like a raging forest fire.
Within 20 minutes of my moving in everyone in the area knew and were at the front gate
I’ve had countless offers of a maid.
I can walk the road one time and not return for a year. They remember me
Barbers here come to your house
There is no Coke (Coca-Cola) in Lao………….only Pepsi
Most Lao banks deal only in US dollars
Lao Airlines has no jets
The last 3 flights of the day all arrive within 5 minutes of each other
There is no longer a Departure Tax when leaving Lao ……. because the girl at the counter quit
A clothes dryer is rare – the electrical power at most homes can’t support the load
99% of those pulled over by the police for violating the Helmet Law are pretty girls
The average per capita income is $2500 per year
The State owns the Beer Lao and Pepsi distributorships
The best time to smuggle things across the border is 7-8am. Customs is having coffee
More people live in Tampa, FL than in the entire country of Lao PDR
More bombs were dropped on Lao, during the Vietnam War, than in ALL theaters in WWII
Gasoline is $4 a gallon
One hour in any direction by air and you’re in a different country
It is estimated that there are fewer than 10 Muslims in Lao
Locals over the age of 40 are typically fluent in Lao, Thai, Russian, and French
Lao school children are usually fluent in at least 3 languages by the age of 13
When it arrives, I will have the first washing machine in the area
Most say Lao and Thai languages are similar. That’s where the similarity ends
US insecticides are fertilizer to Lao bugs
Thou shalt not walk around barefooted in the dark
Fortunately brown cobras usually chose to run (see above)
Red ants are huge but don’t bite. Black ants are small and pack a punch
There are no owls in Lao
Attic insulation is 6-7 times higher than in the US and must be bought in Thailand
A fruit tree on your property is an invitation to nighttime visitors
Screens, burglar bars, and walls are all necessities
When a task is completed, tools, trash, everything is left lying about. Just walk away.
Cover your mouth when using a toothpick! But it’s ok to pick your nose…even during conversation
The men eat first – and always by themselves. The women eat later either outside or on the floor
A bottle of Johnny Walker Red – the ultimate bribe
A moustache is viewed as a sign of virility (yes!)
Do not try to shave “by feel” (no mirror) It negatively impacts the above
Lao – not everyone’s cup of tea but the little corner of the planet I now call home.
Thank God for a sense of humor and a world of patience!
Observations and Lao-isms………………
“Lao PDR” - The Govt says PDR stands for Peoples Democratic Republic. The People say it means Please Don’t Rush. Believe the people.
If you want something done right do it yourself
If you want something done half-ass, do it yourself
If you want something done at all, do it yourself
Things you need do not exist in Lao
Caulking, sealing, patching your house is a waste of time – the bugs already know the way in
You will never sleep alone in Lao (see above)
A Lao home has characters, not character. They’re usually 4, 6, and 8 legged
Buy a local a beer and you’ve got a friend for life. Or at least until you stop paying……
You will surely die while waiting for the repairman
Lao has two seasons – hot & wet and hot & dry.
Winter is 30 days of Mother Nature on tranquilizers
If there is a way to cut corners on something the technique was probably invented here
Today means tomorrow. Tomorrow means next week. Anything beyond that means never
Leave your expectations at home
If you ask for something in particular you will always get a smile and “No have” in return
Hand a tool to a Lao and he’ll lose it within 10 seconds (it’s amazing!)
If is isn’t nailed down it will disappear
If it IS nailed down someone will remember where they lost the hammer
People still forage for food here……….and bicycles, furniture, clothes on the line………
Instruction sheets, manuals, etc., are the first things to go into the fire
Lao Mechanic – anyone with a little free time, a crescent wrench, and a hammer
Free time – 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday
Fact: Biggest business is the Beer Lao brewery. DUH!
If you order food spicy it will be bland. Vise-versa
If you order fish you’ll get pork – and the line “This is better.” Translation: the fish is from the dirty pond out back and has been sitting in the sun for a week. Sweet folks!
Communism does NOT suck (Lao PDR is Communist)
A feeble attempt at the language is better than none at all
You don’t just “make a friend” – you become a part of the family
The smallest task is an ordeal
The words “Party Time!” are somewhere in the Lao National Anthem
Getting falling-down drunk before 10am is socially acceptable behavior
EVERYONE on the roads after 9pm is drunk
Get caught in bed with a Lao woman, and she’s not your wife, you get deported
$20 = “Get out of Jail free” card
The nearest medical facility is 65 miles away and in another country
The prettiest teeth can be found in countries where there are no Dentists
Diseases common in the US are non-existent
Payback – Dengue fever and Malaria
No matter how remote, you can find a beer anywhere in Lao
Food comes in two categories: Very good and Excellent
“Violent crime” is not in the Lao vocabulary
You must look at the world with two sets of eyes. Perception and Reality
It’s very easy to feel sad here
Children are a thing of beauty everywhere
There is one other white person within 25 miles of where I live
I’m always viewed with suspicion
A smile opens doors, hearts, and dialogue (see above)
My home: drive North out of the city for 45 minutes, turn left on the K38 dirt road……… I’m down a bit on the left (watch out for the critters in the road)
Advantages: Clean air, no traffic, no crowds, silence, peace & tranquility
Disadvantage: a minor injury or snake bite can be a death sentence.
If you’re a “dog lover” you’ll never go hungry here
Fried crickets are great snacks!
Termite wings are often served as salad toppings
Air conditioning is both a luxury and necessity
I know of only one other hot water shower in the region
I’m confident that I own the ONLY waterbed in all of Lao PDR
One cannot find a top (flat) sheet anywhere in SE Asia
Nearly all medications can be bought “over the counter”
I will always have to pay 5 times more for something than a local
Pocket change to me is a month’s pay to a Lao worker
Farmers out here in the boonies are not particularly fond of Jimi Hendrix music
Lao exports nearly 100% of its illegal drug trade. Nice!
Power failures are about as common as the sun coming up
I have to walk 250 yards to reset the circuit breaker
There is an illegal business going on in the woods behind me. They’re making charcoal
There is no “grape vine” here. More like a raging forest fire.
Within 20 minutes of my moving in everyone in the area knew and were at the front gate
I’ve had countless offers of a maid.
I can walk the road one time and not return for a year. They remember me
Barbers here come to your house
There is no Coke (Coca-Cola) in Lao………….only Pepsi
Most Lao banks deal only in US dollars
Lao Airlines has no jets
The last 3 flights of the day all arrive within 5 minutes of each other
There is no longer a Departure Tax when leaving Lao ……. because the girl at the counter quit
A clothes dryer is rare – the electrical power at most homes can’t support the load
99% of those pulled over by the police for violating the Helmet Law are pretty girls
The average per capita income is $2500 per year
The State owns the Beer Lao and Pepsi distributorships
The best time to smuggle things across the border is 7-8am. Customs is having coffee
More people live in Tampa, FL than in the entire country of Lao PDR
More bombs were dropped on Lao, during the Vietnam War, than in ALL theaters in WWII
Gasoline is $4 a gallon
One hour in any direction by air and you’re in a different country
It is estimated that there are fewer than 10 Muslims in Lao
Locals over the age of 40 are typically fluent in Lao, Thai, Russian, and French
Lao school children are usually fluent in at least 3 languages by the age of 13
When it arrives, I will have the first washing machine in the area
Most say Lao and Thai languages are similar. That’s where the similarity ends
US insecticides are fertilizer to Lao bugs
Thou shalt not walk around barefooted in the dark
Fortunately brown cobras usually chose to run (see above)
Red ants are huge but don’t bite. Black ants are small and pack a punch
There are no owls in Lao
Attic insulation is 6-7 times higher than in the US and must be bought in Thailand
A fruit tree on your property is an invitation to nighttime visitors
Screens, burglar bars, and walls are all necessities
When a task is completed, tools, trash, everything is left lying about. Just walk away.
Cover your mouth when using a toothpick! But it’s ok to pick your nose…even during conversation
The men eat first – and always by themselves. The women eat later either outside or on the floor
A bottle of Johnny Walker Red – the ultimate bribe
A moustache is viewed as a sign of virility (yes!)
Do not try to shave “by feel” (no mirror) It negatively impacts the above
Lao – not everyone’s cup of tea but the little corner of the planet I now call home.
Thank God for a sense of humor and a world of patience!
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ready to move yet?...;-)
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