time makes lovers feel like they got something real..
it seems like this is the first time, since being home, that i've had any amount of time to sit down and do something constructive that i've wanted to do rather than what i've had to do.
the house is so quiet and the windows are open - a nice breeze flowing through the house and the dog snoring rather loudly at my feet (ya, he's the next in line for a cp@p or w3ight w@tchers).
since being home from a vacation that was wonderful yet not long enough, plenty has been established.
my dear husband has been put on watch, as his days are numbered. he's been rocking with the contracts the past few weeks. this is good because he will now have the $$ to move the fuck out. it's also good becasue he will now be able to pay his own bills and not depend on the goodness of my mother for yet another bail out when the insufficient bank charges start rolling in.
i'm to start my full rotation next week. this is good and bad.
good because for the first three weeks, i will only be working thurs and fri. i will be back at the same hospital as before so it won't be totally foreign with policy, procedures, and protocol.
bad because i will be working 7a - 7p those days. technically (and according to the school guidelines), a student is not to put in more than 10 hours a day but through the goodness of everyone's heart, an exception has been made for me. i'm sure this is something that will bite me in the ass in the end.
the first of may, i will be working two days at a 'sister' hospital of my current site to master vascular (lordy knows i need all the help i can get with that) and then two days at my current site (which will perfect all my 0B skills).
it's a relief to know that i'm back in and ready to go but it also sets in motion a whole boat load of stress on the big girl. i will be leaving at 6am and not getting home until 8pm. that's a ton of time for her to feel unsafe/uncomfortable/unsupervised/uneverything. that's a ton of time for baby girl to need supervision before school and with after school, she is now enrolled in the after school program at the country club but even that only lasts until 6:30.
the two people that i really felt i could depend on have fucked it all up in my mind and now..... well, i need a nanny, i guess.
the hours - four days a week (no weekends), 6 - 9am, 4 - 8:30pm.
and really, i don't expect just anyone to spoon my dog. that's reserved for me only . heh..
so - things are looking up in that i will finally begin the end of school. but with the departure of the husband, this leaves a big gap in things.
but in the end - it will still be cheaper to hire someone.
makes me want to move north and live in a basement.
i can bite toes all day long and love that lil'girl's cheeks until she tells me to 'shut the fuck up.'
heh..
the house is so quiet and the windows are open - a nice breeze flowing through the house and the dog snoring rather loudly at my feet (ya, he's the next in line for a cp@p or w3ight w@tchers).
since being home from a vacation that was wonderful yet not long enough, plenty has been established.
my dear husband has been put on watch, as his days are numbered. he's been rocking with the contracts the past few weeks. this is good because he will now have the $$ to move the fuck out. it's also good becasue he will now be able to pay his own bills and not depend on the goodness of my mother for yet another bail out when the insufficient bank charges start rolling in.
i'm to start my full rotation next week. this is good and bad.
good because for the first three weeks, i will only be working thurs and fri. i will be back at the same hospital as before so it won't be totally foreign with policy, procedures, and protocol.
bad because i will be working 7a - 7p those days. technically (and according to the school guidelines), a student is not to put in more than 10 hours a day but through the goodness of everyone's heart, an exception has been made for me. i'm sure this is something that will bite me in the ass in the end.
the first of may, i will be working two days at a 'sister' hospital of my current site to master vascular (lordy knows i need all the help i can get with that) and then two days at my current site (which will perfect all my 0B skills).
it's a relief to know that i'm back in and ready to go but it also sets in motion a whole boat load of stress on the big girl. i will be leaving at 6am and not getting home until 8pm. that's a ton of time for her to feel unsafe/uncomfortable/unsupervised/uneverything. that's a ton of time for baby girl to need supervision before school and with after school, she is now enrolled in the after school program at the country club but even that only lasts until 6:30.
i've had two people tell me that they would be more than happy to help me out with all this but one - the big girl can't stand while baby girls doesn't even know her. the other - she's too fucked up on meth and her dirtbag boyfriend likes skiing the slopes all up and down his nose.wanted: a competent nanny to get my kids up for school at 7am,make breakfast, school lunches, after school snacks, provide transportation, and dish out whatever is in the crockpot for dinner. feed my kids, spoon my dog, bathe the baby girl and make sure everyone is where they need to be at 8pm.
the two people that i really felt i could depend on have fucked it all up in my mind and now..... well, i need a nanny, i guess.
the hours - four days a week (no weekends), 6 - 9am, 4 - 8:30pm.
and really, i don't expect just anyone to spoon my dog. that's reserved for me only . heh..
so - things are looking up in that i will finally begin the end of school. but with the departure of the husband, this leaves a big gap in things.
but in the end - it will still be cheaper to hire someone.
makes me want to move north and live in a basement.i can bite toes all day long and love that lil'girl's cheeks until she tells me to 'shut the fuck up.'
heh..
2 Comments:
Those are my most treasured pictures! I look at them an realize how much I'd love for you to live down the street from me. M would fit in so well here in the big city. And so would you.
Sigh.
one door closes...another opens...and on it goes...;-)
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