Thursday, August 14, 2008

maybe i do have something

i've felt like i need to post something but really, i have nothing.
as usual.

my days are the same - get up, go to a place that i'm beginning to hate, doing a job that i'm not so sure i'm going to like.
come home and wash off all the hospital germs that cling to me, eat dinner with the family, and lay on the couch until it's time for bed.

wash, rinse, repeat.

today, i'm off though. the rain is unbelievable this morning.
i'm hoping it will be like a baptism of my soul.

had my first patient die on me yesterday. he had been in i-see-you for about a week and i think we had scanned everything we could on him over that week or so. the last resort car0tid scan to rule out a str0ke was ordered.
when the req came through and i saw the name again, i knew it wasn't going to be good.
halfway through the right side, he crashed. my tech jumped up on the bed and started doing compressions but it was already too late.

we didn't know the guy but we did know some of his family that had been at his bedside the whole time.
they knew he was going to die, i think. they accepted his fate a few days ago, it seemed.

i don't want to die in a hospital bed, tied up with tubes and wires, and swollen from fluid, and not looking like myself anymore.
and i don't want to be left in a bed after i die, waiting on someone to cover my face and take me away, with my family shedding tears over my lifeless shell.

sigh.

.
.
.

school starts monday.
big girl will start high school.
baby girl will be in the 1st grade.

i fear for big girl and the transition. being the low-man on the totem pole is going to be difficult for her. but she's got a good group of friends from her church that are juniors and seniors that, i believe, will have her back.

baby girl is going to have a hard time, just as she always does in a new situation. a new teacher, a new group of kids.... at least it's the same school that she really loves.

anyway - baby girl is awake now.
the rain is starting to slack off and all she wants to do is play the w.i.i.


3 Comments:

Blogger eatmisery said...

Where's the picture from? Lao?

Thursday, August 14, 2008 at 9:15:00 PM EDT  
Blogger Liam said...

Death with dignity... at home... Not in an institution, of any kind... no tubes or wires or anyone pounding on your chest... just quite, simple, letting go, and final release...;-)

Friday, August 15, 2008 at 8:05:00 AM EDT  
Blogger eatmisery said...

When the hell are you going to post something new?

Monday, August 25, 2008 at 8:44:00 PM EDT  

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