more than a month worth of sidenotes
where to start.....
days seem much shorter than they used to.
nights seem much longer than they should be.
i've had so many plans for my house now that i'm divorced and trying to remake my life into what i want it to be.
i've accomplished nothing.
i want to paint the interior of my house, each room with more color than ever before.
i want to get rid of some big, bulky wooden cabinetry that has taken up so much room for so long.
i want a neat, sleek, skinny tv on the wall in the living room.
i want a neat, sleek, badass platform bed in my room.
i want clean carpet in the girls' rooms and maybe even new furniture for the both of them.
i want a neat, comfortable patio full of potted plants and plenty of places for the lizards to hide from the dogs and cats.
i want to set up my t0psy turvy tomat0 trees, one full of herbs.
i want to take my new car back because i just can't afford to keep it full of gas.
instead, i'm constantly in some sort of physical distress over my kids or my job.
my personal relationship has it's ups and downs and has most certainly caused me lots of distress, but that is slowly getting to the point where things are leveling out and happiness is around us all.
my x-husband wants to maintain some sort of friendship and i just can't see that happen with him playing the girls against me.
big girl is clawing her way out of a mental hole that i just can't seem to help her out of. being the mother of a kid diagnosed being bip0lar absolutely sucks. i can't imagine how difficult it is for her.
baby girl has taken to pissing on the floor like a dog. can i beat her like a dog?
i need to find a job sometime soon. i can't survive, or provide, working here and there and pulling call every three weeks.
my experience is so limited it's a hindrance to finding a job. all the references in the world amount to nothing if you only have a few months experience to back it up.
sometimes, i wish i had the gumption to pick up my camera full time again.
to top it all off, the left side of my keyboard refuses to work adequately.
especially the 'w' and the 's'.
of course, the keys work if i practically put my finger through the keyboard.
fuck.
i miss my friends.
i miss chicag0.
i miss the woods.
i miss my little girl.
i miss pee in the toilet.
i miss my sanity.
days seem much shorter than they used to.
nights seem much longer than they should be.
i've had so many plans for my house now that i'm divorced and trying to remake my life into what i want it to be.
i've accomplished nothing.
i want to paint the interior of my house, each room with more color than ever before.
i want to get rid of some big, bulky wooden cabinetry that has taken up so much room for so long.
i want a neat, sleek, skinny tv on the wall in the living room.
i want a neat, sleek, badass platform bed in my room.
i want clean carpet in the girls' rooms and maybe even new furniture for the both of them.
i want a neat, comfortable patio full of potted plants and plenty of places for the lizards to hide from the dogs and cats.
i want to set up my t0psy turvy tomat0 trees, one full of herbs.
i want to take my new car back because i just can't afford to keep it full of gas.
instead, i'm constantly in some sort of physical distress over my kids or my job.
my personal relationship has it's ups and downs and has most certainly caused me lots of distress, but that is slowly getting to the point where things are leveling out and happiness is around us all.
my x-husband wants to maintain some sort of friendship and i just can't see that happen with him playing the girls against me.
big girl is clawing her way out of a mental hole that i just can't seem to help her out of. being the mother of a kid diagnosed being bip0lar absolutely sucks. i can't imagine how difficult it is for her.
baby girl has taken to pissing on the floor like a dog. can i beat her like a dog?
i need to find a job sometime soon. i can't survive, or provide, working here and there and pulling call every three weeks.
my experience is so limited it's a hindrance to finding a job. all the references in the world amount to nothing if you only have a few months experience to back it up.
sometimes, i wish i had the gumption to pick up my camera full time again.
to top it all off, the left side of my keyboard refuses to work adequately.
especially the 'w' and the 's'.
of course, the keys work if i practically put my finger through the keyboard.
fuck.
i miss my friends.
i miss chicag0.
i miss the woods.
i miss my little girl.
i miss pee in the toilet.
i miss my sanity.
1 Comments:
That's a full plate if I ever saw one. Sounds like Baby Girl is lashing out at you. When did Big Girl get that diagnosis? It had to be recently.
As for the x, I would be civil, if nothing else. He only gets to you if you let him. He lost his power over you the day you signed on the dotted line. Remember that. You could always move to Chicago and double your salary in the process. Heh.
Miss you, friend. Wish you were here.
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