again?

i like that this spot is part of my morning routine.

been feeling some anxiety the past few days.
my dearly departed friend - remember him? mon is 3 years.

already.

thinking about the things i accomplished since then....
went to asia and tried to come to terms with his death.
finished ultras0und school.
fell in lust with a woman.
got divorced from his best friend after an 18 year relationship.
got a job.
held big girl's hand through the darkest days.
lost a job.
and i'm slowly going crazy in my own mind.

i think of him so much still.
i can still hear his laugh in my mind. i can still smell his cologne. i can still feel how soft his hair was..

i'm lost in it all still.

[several minute pause while i smoke and watch the p.itt across the street stalk a lady walking her dog and continue to think about calling anim@l c0ntrol ]

when i'm with you i could care less..

this weekend, the x and i are swapping kids. big girl comes here, baby girl goes there. he's going to be working fri and sat night - not like he's going to be with baby girl. but a sister is stepping up and taking her in so baby girl can be with her cousins, girls ages 8 and 10.
baby girl is looking forward to it.

big girl is pretty much coming home to be with her friend, J (the kid that is usually in some of my F.B photos with us. over the years, she's become by 3rd child and i love her dearly). J turns 16 on sat and big girl is coming home to party with her.
fri night after we get home from the drive, the girls are going here. then on sat, Js birthday, Js grandparents are taking her and big girl here.
then i take her back on sun.

i'm thinking about blowing down to the beach - dropping off big girl at Js fri night and continue to head south 2 more hours. i haven't been in quite some time and really need it.

i need some therapy somehow.

for this morning, i'll settle for b0wling league.
heh..

a different perspective. what i look at when i sit at my desk.
i just turned around in my chair. heh...