...what day is it?

had an ok weekend with big girl.

she was distant and really not interested in doing anything without her buddy down the street (a kid that's stuck by her through the shit even tho she was shit on many times by big girl).
i sort of expected it but it still sucks.

i feel like it's going to be some time before she wants to come home again.

took her halfway home yesterday while babygirl was in school.
it was a loonnnggg drive home.

so, this morning, i can continue with my daily routine.

things are at a standstill with the house.
i don't know if i'll ever get this place clean enough to paint..

i'm just not motivated and i'm finding ways to escape.

i haven't been to therapy in about 3 weeks.
hell... this week might be the 4th week...
i just don't want to go and be reminded that "you're depressed."

thinking of asking my parents for a lump some of money from my trust.
i feel like i need to take care of some things and get back on track with this 'new' life of being responsible for one kid and absolutely everything that goes on under my roof.
it's been amazingly overwhelming in so many ways.

and i'm lost because of it.