sunday morning

i think i have a hangover this morning.
and the time change sucks ass.

heading to the woods to take make the kid exchange today.
i haven't been to the woods in quite some time.
i need the peace of it today.
i need the quiet and the solitude.
i need the memories of it.

this week has been very difficult for me.
i haven't asked Y to come back but i want to.

she keeps telling me that she's the one that lost - that she's got nothing being where she's at.
she should be happy - she's back home where she's wanted to be for some time.
she has no furniture and is sleeping on a borrowed air mattress with no cable or net, but she is home.
and she's able to slide right back into her life she had before me - with her friends at the m00se l0dge or the am.vet$.

i want to ask her to come back but it's for selfish reasons.
i want the warm body next to me and the companionship and the help and the support and the sex.
i do not want to have to answer to her, report my every goddammed move because she thinks i'm fucking anyone that acknowledges me, deal with the neverending accusations, or her drinking every single goddammed night...

and, for fucks'sake - i have missed my friends so much.



this weekend with big girl has been good. we kept busy and had fun together.
i'm hoping that she will want to come home this summer. with her bf leaving to go to school in ariz0na and Y leaving here.... i'm so hoping she will come home.