the four five five

it's been very easy to get over the ill feelings associated with Y.
well, i haven't had any setbacks or episodes and feel better every day, so all that has to be good, right?

spent the fire.works weekend down at the beach with my mom, stepdad, my oldest younger brother, and his girlfriend. baby girl was with big girl and R for the 8th birthday so it was me and the dogs.
the weather was crappy but there were breaks in the clouds every now and then.
walked the beach with the brown dog and my parents. mom and i hunted shells and talked to my stepdad about family.
it was a great weekend and i wish it could have lasted longer.

but i came home on monday afternoon and not long after, my hi school boy friend, jay, came by and we headed to the coast. he is in town on a long-planned vacation with his son to see family and rented a great condo right on the beach.
jay's sister was keeping his son (she lives 5 minutes from me) so we were at the beach for the night.

we drank some wine and talked some more. the conversation never lapsed with him 20 years ago nor did it now. we come from the same generation and the same area and the same school system and had the same friends when we were young...
and when i left for college, i was pregnant with his baby.

then, i told him i wasn't sure if it was his.
now, with what i learned in ultras0und school (which is pretty damn specific and through and concise and complete), that baby was his.

the nurse mumbled under her breath "4 - 4 1/2 month male" as i started to relax after delivery.
it was dec 12th..... i had only been gone since sept 1.
i was already pregnant when i left. i didn't get pregnant the night before i left like i'd always thought - like i made jay think.

the day before i left for college, i saw jay that morning. we had sex.
late afternoon, i saw my boss at his house. we had sex.
that evening, i saw a guy i had been wanting to go out with for months (even tho i was dating jay). we had sex.

what a fucking whore.

anyway - the time with jay has been great.
we've talked about everything. we've laughed about everything. we've been thankful for this opportunity to reconnect as friends.

we stayed at the beach. we took a shower together and we laid in bed naked, talking and laughing about anything and everything. we fell asleep together and close.

it was nice to be close to someone. it was nice to be close to him.
and we didn't have sex.

we woke up and showered together again and he brought me back home.
the dogs hadn't been out and it wasn't the catastrophe i anticipated but they were really happy to go outside.
he went to his sister's to check on his son - he had a fever during the night..

sort of ended up a big clusterfuck with kids and stuff but we worked it all out. jay and i took his son and his two nephews back across the bridge to his mom's. it was nice to see her after 20 years. i had always liked her and she seemed to have liked me. she was very receptive to me and made me feel welcome. it was nice.

kids got situated, jay and i left. we came back to my neighborhood to have lunch at a german place down the road (used to be in a mall, a place he and i went often).
he told everyone "hey... we haven't seen each other in 20 years. isn't that cool?"

we came back to my house and hung out for a bit - laying in bed watching tv and talking. seems like all we do is laugh..

then we went to the ball game and had a blast. drank a beer (yes, A beer) and watched til the 5th. we walked the tr0p and had hotdogs. laughing and talking, we ate and watched on a big tv til the bottom of the 8th.
it was easy getting out of there leaving early. we had the end of the game on the x.mradio and talked and laughed some more.

back at my house, we had some coffee and sat in the kitchen and talked. politics, the world, our kids, the game, my zoo....
we got in bed naked, watched sp0rts.center, laughed and talked until we fell asleep.

the alarm went off at 6 - he had to get back over the bridge to get his son and i had to work.
about 6:20, he tried to creep to the shower and be quiet - it was funny.
i made coffee and we sat in the kitchen and talked til 7:30.

i'm going over tomorrow after work to hang and have dinner with the whole family. jay and his son leave fri morn for the aut0.train.

i'm so glad that i've had this time with him.
i'm so glad that i've been able to sit and talk about things that have been bothering me for a long time.
i'm so glad that i've been fortunate enough for this to happen.

even if he is gay.
heh...