#463

when i try to get 'back in the loop' and have a somewhat regular schedule and normal life, there is always some sort of wrench thrown in the works.

yes, i'm guilty.
i'm not even going to discuss why i'm guilty.
you know why.

and i regret every goddammed second of it.

my life has been a fucking prison for too long and i've taken too much laying down and not being anything but submissive.
it breaks my heart that i've done the things i've done to the people i claim to love.

but, dammit.... all the love i'm capable of just isn't enough. i still sabotage things to the point where it makes people not want to be with me. i still manage to have my entire life thrown back in my face every goddammed day.

through the interrogations and manipulations and accusations - especially when it's said that isn't going to happen anymore - people wonder why i lose my shit like i do.
when i'm honest and forthright and bare my soul, it's NEVER fucking enough for anyone.

she broke me.
she ruined me.
she made me feel worthless and incapable.
she made me feel like a criminal.

i should have beat her ass when i had the chance.