breathe

...again.

where to start...
really, it's been eventful.
i've been constantly running through the events of this past friday, still not knowing what the hell happened.
she came home and would not shut the fuck up about why she needs to go home, how much of her savings she's spent since living with me, how she can't contribute any more money towards groceries....
and i looked at her and told her "you always want me to be amicable - this is where i'm going to be amicable," took the house key off her keys, and left with baby girl.
two hours later we came home and everything of hers was gone.
three dogs, two cats, the coffee pot, a set of knives.... her clothes and toiletries.... her truck in the driveway... her.... - those are the things that are gone.

for two years, she's been hinting at and justifying why she should leave. i don't know if it's a threat to try to keep me in check or what but it's been C O N S T A N T F O R T W O A N D A H A L F Y E A R S.
when we would really get into it and she would ask me to not be an ass and just be amicable about it...
but i'd fight for it like a fool. i would get pissed that she wanted to leave, that she was accusing me A G A I N of something i did not do in any way.

it's the same ol'story, same ol'song and dance, my friend...

she broke me.
never before have i had to invest so much of my sanity into something.
in the end, friday evening, when baby girl and i were at our favorite asian buffet, i cracked. mentally, i just gave up.

yesterday, i missed her.
this morning, i missed her.
this evening, i miss her.
but i know how bad she is for me. how bad we are for each other.
i realize how much damage has been done to both of us, by both of us.

but i miss her just the same.

work is work. been absolutely swamped with canvas the past few weeks.
doing the usual canvas package for 30 of these renovations by april, doing a canvas package for this place about one a week for a few months, for some reason we are getting more custom canvas orders in...

i'm going to run that damn shop.
that's my goal. to be shop manager.

and that fact really disappoints my mom.
heh..