where does the time go?

actually, i know exactly where it goes.
during the week - it goes to the routine of school, work, homework, the evening routine, and then falling asleep stretched across the bed with dogs that still need to go out for the last time at night.
during the weekend - well.... pretty much the same but without the work and school.

i've faltered so many times in the passing weeks.
i will admit it.
i don't know why i keep thinking that certain words are enough to make up for anything.

but after this weekend, in picking myself up off the ground, i know what is and isn't.

i've got a really great house and a really great life overall.
i don't know why i keep hanging on to negativity and irresponsibility.
it drives me fucking insane for anyone to not be accountable for their actions. it's taken me quite some time to realize that and stick to it but the time is now.

work is work.
i've got to stop smoking p0t long enough to demand i go full time, on the payroll, and no more 1o99 work.

life is life.
i've got to finish all these little projects i've started and get shit done for a change. i now can without all the distractions.

kids is kids.
baby girl is doing great.
big girl is doing great.

love is love.
and i love my kids and dogs.

but i feel like i'm longing for something again.
i think i just need a trip somewhere. unfortunately, i don't think that's going to happen until the end of june when i travel to b0wl again. never been to syracuse_ny so we shall see how great that place is.
i fear it's not going to be as great as any other place i've been.
and we all know - nothing compares to chi-town ;-)

really though - i've got nothing.
i feel like i'm spinning my wheels right now but in a somewhat productive way.
i'm trying to expand my horizons and let go of certain aspects of my life.
i'm learning to be alone still and it's a new and refreshing thing definitely.
my circle of friends has dwindled down to nothing outside of family and as pathetic as that is, it's still not so damn bad.