#492
Part I
I'm laying in bed, propped on my throne of pillows. It really doesn't help like it used to but it does level out my shoulder some to even out the pain I feel constantly.
Something is wrong with my laptop - won't hold a charge at all. Honestly, I don't care. I just want to get some stuff transferred to an external hard drive and reformat the bitch.
I went back to La La Land and thought she was going to change. I'm so fucking stupid. She will never change.
We tried - knowing it wouldn't work.
New years eve - her house. She bought food, I cooked it. While I was about to start the crab legs, I got a work email. It was from the company pres about some damages one of our customers was documenting (well after the 30 day cut off). I was pissed because A. i got a work email at 9:30 pm on NYE, and B. the damages were bullshit and to know my shipping guy is slacking sucks (or is he? Did the damage happen on their end?).
She proceeds to grill me on why was I getting email from the big boss on NYE and why was I mad about it.... Of course, it all came down to her asking "does your boss want you?"
WHAT?! does he want me? Ya, he wants me to run an efficient and effective shop with everyone doing a good job. Does he want me sexually? AhNo. Sick, wrong and disturbing thought.
That totally changed the atmosphere resulting in baby girl and I coming home at 3am.
Sunday was spent purging my kitchen. It was a cathartic cleaning resulting in 4 boxes of give away, 3 trash bags of recyclable trash, and an area that's just awesome now.
And I'm going to do that throughout my entire house.
There are too many things that remind me of her that have to go.
I haven't talked to her since I left her house Sat night. She's kept my phone hot and I have not responded.
2012 is going to be about me.
My life, my girls, my home, my future... Other than my family and children, no one else gets in. No more uncertainty and certainly no more instability.
We are making resolutions to do things we either haven't done or wanted to do. But its got to be a positive notion, something to better us and teach us something. And we are going to do this every few weeks.
Baby girl wants to start out with trying new, healthy foods and learning to like foods she would have never wanted to try.
Big girl is still settling on her first items.
Myself - nothing negative in the way of personal relationships. I need to heal myself and get back on track. I want to try new relationships and find the goodness in people again. I've got such a negative concept of it all right now. It's time to get it back into my control and find stability within myself again.
No more negative relationships.
And I'm starting to zum.ba with baby girl every day. The plan is to do it right when we get home. Today, our first day, was tough, but it got baby girls mind off eating and it was sort of a 2nd wind that I needed badly.
Baby steps.
But this is my time to accomplish it all.
Getting my physical health under control will only be successful if I work on my mental health. I'm in a good place at work right now - I need to make sure that extends through the rest of the day.
And I'm going to my cell company tomorrow and having a few #s blocked.
It's just time.
I'm laying in bed, propped on my throne of pillows. It really doesn't help like it used to but it does level out my shoulder some to even out the pain I feel constantly.
Something is wrong with my laptop - won't hold a charge at all. Honestly, I don't care. I just want to get some stuff transferred to an external hard drive and reformat the bitch.
I went back to La La Land and thought she was going to change. I'm so fucking stupid. She will never change.
We tried - knowing it wouldn't work.
New years eve - her house. She bought food, I cooked it. While I was about to start the crab legs, I got a work email. It was from the company pres about some damages one of our customers was documenting (well after the 30 day cut off). I was pissed because A. i got a work email at 9:30 pm on NYE, and B. the damages were bullshit and to know my shipping guy is slacking sucks (or is he? Did the damage happen on their end?).
She proceeds to grill me on why was I getting email from the big boss on NYE and why was I mad about it.... Of course, it all came down to her asking "does your boss want you?"
WHAT?! does he want me? Ya, he wants me to run an efficient and effective shop with everyone doing a good job. Does he want me sexually? AhNo. Sick, wrong and disturbing thought.
That totally changed the atmosphere resulting in baby girl and I coming home at 3am.
Sunday was spent purging my kitchen. It was a cathartic cleaning resulting in 4 boxes of give away, 3 trash bags of recyclable trash, and an area that's just awesome now.
And I'm going to do that throughout my entire house.
There are too many things that remind me of her that have to go.
I haven't talked to her since I left her house Sat night. She's kept my phone hot and I have not responded.
2012 is going to be about me.
My life, my girls, my home, my future... Other than my family and children, no one else gets in. No more uncertainty and certainly no more instability.
We are making resolutions to do things we either haven't done or wanted to do. But its got to be a positive notion, something to better us and teach us something. And we are going to do this every few weeks.
Baby girl wants to start out with trying new, healthy foods and learning to like foods she would have never wanted to try.
Big girl is still settling on her first items.
Myself - nothing negative in the way of personal relationships. I need to heal myself and get back on track. I want to try new relationships and find the goodness in people again. I've got such a negative concept of it all right now. It's time to get it back into my control and find stability within myself again.
No more negative relationships.
And I'm starting to zum.ba with baby girl every day. The plan is to do it right when we get home. Today, our first day, was tough, but it got baby girls mind off eating and it was sort of a 2nd wind that I needed badly.
Baby steps.
But this is my time to accomplish it all.
Getting my physical health under control will only be successful if I work on my mental health. I'm in a good place at work right now - I need to make sure that extends through the rest of the day.
And I'm going to my cell company tomorrow and having a few #s blocked.
It's just time.
1 Comments:
You know what I'm thinking.
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